I still don’t know how to act in front of my friends. I’m very broken, but I’m still that “happy go lucky” girl I always have been. I always tell other that I’m just “okay” because I don’t want to be judged or questioned if I say I’m good, great, or just downright terrible.

It’s difficult for me to talk about my husband when people ask. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk about him. I actually find myself talking about things I’ve done with him when I’m reminded of something. I genuinely feel like that has positively helped me a lot in my grieving stages.

I’m not sure if my friends completely understand, but I don’t think I could ever expect them to. I just want them to listen. And I don’t jus mean about how I’m feeling with being a widow. I mean being valued as the person I always have been. If I say something, I just want to be heard and valued.

I’m not one to sit in the shadows and watch. I may be quiet at times, but I’m constantly the person that is either overthinking or observing. I don’t want anyone to think I should be excluded because I was incapable of doing it emotionally or physically.

I just want attention…attention as “Kyla”, not attention as a widow

…until next time