Every day since my husband passed has been like roller coaster; ups and downs, twists and turns, and being thrown upside down when you least expect it. I never knew that all of the firsts without him would be as difficult as they have been. We did everything together for almost nine and a half years. The things that I still enjoy. The things he enjoyed and I grew to love. I’m still “Kyla”, the girl that’s not a widow. Who still has her person here on this earth…only he’s not.

The ‘new me’ isn’t a “new” person. I’m still me. I am just learning every day how to become strong and confident as a widow. But I will never let “widow” defined me. It’s difficult to prove that fact, but it’s a determination I have had in my heart since it happened. My husband wouldn’t want me to make it my personality. He would want me to live my life to the fullest because he knows I can get through the trials and tribulations life will throw at me because he’s seen me do it. I think he knew all along that I would be able to continue to conquer life without him.

The problem is I never wanted this…I fucking miss him more and more every damn day.

…until next time